I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
