btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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