So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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