it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
if only i could text you this smell
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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