glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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