Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
