At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
