so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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