Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
