is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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