watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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