some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
