ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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