Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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