Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
