life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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