lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
