I bet he comes in French.
I puked a lego.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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