I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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