You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
