If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
