If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
