why didn't you poke me back
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
