do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
