Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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