woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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