you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
