bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
