why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
