when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
