When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
