when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
