Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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