There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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