the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
