somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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