Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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