this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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