Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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