She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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