last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
