I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
