Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
