I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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