Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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