Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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