i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
