woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Are my feet made of real feet?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
