atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
