Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
