Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
