3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
