...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
