I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
