She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
farters have to be the big spoon...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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