I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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