I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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