just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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