what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
