he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
